Let me preface this by saying I haven’t had a serious pointe class for about three years. But tonight, I found myself with a little victory. Some background: a little over a year and a half ago, after dealing with some serious arrhythmia problems, I started to go into heart failure. Around that time I had pretty bad edema in my legs. I had open heart surgery that fixed my heart and saved my life, but the edema never seemed to go away. With that extra edema, my pointe shoes no longer fit me. Which was fine, since I was content to take my classes on flat anyway. But once in a while I’d try my old pointes on just to see if they’d fit. They never did. 

A few days ago I noticed that my edema was all but gone. What had been 3+ pitting edema that had plagued me as a tell tale sign of my former heart problems was now… gone! So I had to try. I had to see if I could get my old pointe shoes on. These are nothing technical, but what they represent is so important to me. I’ve been working hard over the past year and a half to get my life back together, and this is a sign that maybe, just maybe, I will be able to recover from this 100%. 


This brocade dress feels a little like wearing a carpet bag, but I like it anyway. Also: only photo bombed by my birds once this time. ;-) 

Fat people have the right to exist in fat bodies regardless of how we got fat, what being fat means, or if we could be thin through some means – however easy or difficult. There are no other valid opinions on this – we have the right to exist without shaming, bullying or stigmatization, period.


It’s funny how freeing yourself from the expectations of society- what a fat girl should do, what a fat girl should wear, how a fat girl should act- is the very thing that will make you the most beautiful. Building confidence takes time. Expressing yourself takes bravery, but it’s worth it in the end. Take it one step at a time. 

Photography: 6 Foot 4 Photography- and possibly my favorite set from the shoot.


There is such a thing as dance withdrawals. Mine occur every 2 days.


Photos by iphotograf 2008

Self love on valentines day: Looking through old photo shoot pictures I never would have let see the light of day when they were first taken. Forget that. They are beautiful. I am beautiful.